What Autism Is For Us

I feel a little uneasy and uncomfortable when I hear other people say things like, “oh, just let your kid be a kid” “a little ice cream won’t hurt” “everything causes cancer, I’m not going to be a mom who shelters my kid from it all” “I’m so tired of trying to be this perfect mom. I’m done.”

It kind of triggers something inside because I used to be that mom. I can relate every time a person says those things. Before I truly delved into my health journey, I thought I had given birth to two wonderfully healthy baby boys. I didn’t want to become the “control-freak” type of mom. I gave them normal toddler foods like cheerios, yogurt melts, pureed foods, pasta, and the occasional ice cream. My boys even indulged in ice cream cake at their 1st birthday party. I, of course like most parents, tried to make sweets minimal and make sure they ate or tried to eat their fruits and vegetables. I thought I had it all together. I thought to hell with organic, a vegetable is a vegetable -- same nutrition, right? I followed the doctor’s guidelines for vaccinations, medications, and development. I cleaned my home vigorously with store-bought cleaners that kill 99.999% of viruses so that I could prevent my boys from getting sick. I used all the baby products that are meant for babies but have hidden chemicals. I didn’t want to shelter my kids so I did what I thought was best and let them just be kids, or so I thought. I had no idea that some of the choices I was making as a new mom were actually doing more harm than good. I had no idea that my children would be diagnosed with what should be addressed as toxic overload, Autism. (Oh, and please spare me the whole “it’s genetics thing” because my boys were tested for the “Autism” gene and tested negative.)

There is a huge health crisis in our world today and while most people know this is happening, few are willing to talk about it. The rate of chronic illness is at its highest than ever before while rates of infectious disease are at its lowest. Asthma, food allergies, ADHD, diabetes, heart disease, depression, anxiety, so many chronic illnesses! Autism rates are skyrocketing and we are not treating Autism and other disabilities for what they truly are, a body damaged and on toxic overload. It is very sad to see that there is very little awareness on Autism, and I mean REALLY Autism. My parents were the first ones to point me in the right direction of holistic treatments and even then I had to search far and wide, long and hard to find the information that started to help my boys.

When I began to learn how much my boys were suffering from toxic overload, I began to crumble. My heart was so broken for them and my husband, my whole family, and I wanted to do everything we could to help them. Autism is NOT just a quirky little child that communicates differently and learns differently from their other peers that we need to learn to accept…..

Autism for us is meltdowns.

Autism for us is non-verbal (My Caleb has progressed so much with his words but cannot speak sentences or hold a conversation – My Noah, my precious Noah still only has 1-3 words at 5 years old).

Autism for us is self-inflicting pain such as head-banging and biting.

Autism for us is barely being able to communicate.

Autism for us is having to “cage” our boys in at night in an Autism safe bed so that they don’t hurt themselves.

Autism for us is having to skip out on events to avoid meltdowns.

Autism for us means having to triple-safety our home because they constantly pick up items and smash them, breaking them on the floor without even understanding that what they did was wrong.

Autism for us is not understanding simple concepts.

Autism for us is not being able to do normal things that normal families do because our boys can’t handle it.

Autism for us is waking up from sleep apnea each night and scaring mommy half to death each time.

Autism for us is getting kicked and being bruised every time I change my boys’ diapers.

Autism for us is not being potty trained at 5 years old with barely any hope for being potty trained in the near future.

Autism for us means my boys may never have friends, may never get married, may never be able to feed themselves, may never be able to live on their own, may never be able to speak.

Autism for us is developing red cheeks every time they come in contact with an irritant because their body is very sensitive since they are already on toxic overload.

Autism for us is gastrointestinal issues.

Autism for us is a suppressed immune system.


Autism for us is inflammation.

Autism for us is heavy metal toxicity.


Autism for us is encephalopathy.



There are many things that went wrong or that I did wrong during my pregnancy and in their first two years of life. A few things were my nutrition was whack, my doctor prescribed Nexium for my heartburn in my second and third trimester, I chose a planned C-section over vaginal birth, I had the flu shot during pregnancy (which contains thimerosal), and my boys were preemies at 34 weeks being vaccinated at birth before they reached gestational age. If you’ve ever read my blog post about my concerns about the many toxic ingredients in vaccines, you’ll know I have many and have done my research so I am not going to discuss it here. I was unable to breastfeed for more than two months because my boys never latched on after being given a bottle and pacifier before they could have a taste of their mother’s milk so that alone began to suppress their immune system. They never received the protective vaginal flora they would have received if they had gone through birth vaginally. From the very beginning, they were at risk because of their early exposure to chemicals like cleaning products, chemicals in food, and chemicals in their baby products. Then they were vaccinated with their 18-month round of shots….

The doctor told us to administer Tylenol an hour before their vaccines and so we did. They received their MMR #1, VZV #1, HIB, Hep-A #1 all at once as if it wasn’t enough that the MMR contains three viruses. Not only does the MMR contain three viruses but there are studies that show naturally contracting measles and mumps close enough in time together cause gastrointestinal issues so what do you think the effects of this are when injected into the blood stream all at once? We took our boys home and they developed a 103 fever and remained lethargic, complete loss of appetite, and feverish for close to three days. They both developed ear infections. Noah developed rosacea and remained lethargic longer than Caleb. The doctor said this was to be expected…

There is no doubt in my mind that vaccines were the cherry on top to our toxic overload, especially after reading peer-reviewed published study after study after study linking toxic ingredients in vaccines, in our food, in our products, and so on to neurological damage. I will say it again, Autism for us is encephalopathy.

Although this seems like a very sad story, and it is because my precious boys do not deserve to go through what they go through… they are the strongest little boys I have ever known -- full of joy, love, and free spirit. They suffer through a lot but every day they have the biggest smile on their face. The positive side to all of this is since I have accepted that their condition of Autism is actually encephalopathy, I have been able to treat my boys naturally and have seen so much progress and a huge light at the end of the tunnel for them. They are very severe on the spectrum, even more severe than any of the students on the spectrum I worked with the same age as my boys, so I expect healing will take a very long time but already we have made huge strides to recovery and full health. It takes a lot of hard work, support, endless research, many trials and errors, and dedication but so far it has shown me that it is so worth it.

So for me, I wish I could just let my kids be kids. I wish that a little ice cream wouldn’t hurt. I wish that I didn’t have to shelter my kids from things that are harming them. I wish I could just throw my hands up, say I’m done, never cook another meal in my life, and enjoy not being a so-called “perfect mom” but the truth is, I can’t give up on my kids. For us, I have to wake up every day and put my best foot forward because if I don’t, it affects the quality of life my boys will have. So unfortunately, while I can relate to all the moms harmlessly laughing at the “crazy perfect mom”, I carry a heavy heart with me knowing that I don’t have a choice. I will never give up on my boys.

In the end, all we can do is try our best. We are never going to be perfect parents and we’re not always going to raise perfect children. The best we can do is educate ourselves on the important things that will affect our children so that we can stop this health crisis from happening and save our children.


“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
 – Maya Angelou

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Wow! Inspirational with so much love!
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Well written account of "real" life for you and your family. Well done Alexandra. Others will learn much because you are willing to share. Thank you for your gift.